"Sir do you realize you were going 110 miles per hour in a school zone?"
"Pretty impressive, huh?"
i am so cute and bitter
My roommate and his girlfriend got in the shower together and they’re… Talking about politics?
I was expecting to hear “OH GOD, HARDER,” not “George Washington was entirely correct in his prediction of what distinct parties would do to politics as a whole.”
Nope nevermind, there it is, apparently political debate is just their form of foreplay
STOP REBLOGGING THIS HE HAS A TUMBLR
Do their names happen to be Ben and Leslie?
WHEN BOYS WEAR BUTTON UPS BUT ROLL THE SLEEVES TO THEIR ELBOWS
Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re its mom. Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel. And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees cause its a hoarder. And your house is eventually full of coins. And you are rich. And have a dragon.